'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

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'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

Post by Sirius on Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:23 am

...This is honestly the first time I read ahead in the story before reviewing, I even read it twice, and I STILL have no clue what the fuck just happened. I... I-I'm speechless. I doubt this guy is trying to be troll, and he probably thinks his story is good, but... What the fuck is going on? Who are these people, why are they in a boat, what are they doing, why is it bold and underlined, and why is in script format? *sigh* I should think about the positives... It's short... And that's it. Well, now that that's over with, let's dive right into this horrible failfic.

On a boat back home with my girl and a few friends as well
Bradley:babe come here plz.
Bradley:i am going to be a dad.
gem:really how do you know.
everyone Else great.
Bradley:she told me to night, i am so happy.
the next day we wear home again i still new where i found turt wig and where i met Danielle
Bradley what do you want to do now baby and if it is a boy can we call him Adam Sean woolley and if it is a girl you can pick a name for her
Danielle:OK babe
Bradley:pin-cone come out
Danielle:flower out you come
Bradley:Danielle get on pin-cone plz i don't want you falling over babe
gem and my mate David was fighting each over my sis was running to my moms got on to pin-cone and we walk slowly to home mother greeted us at the door we still have not told her about the baby
Bradley:mom i am going to be a dad mom
mom:but u are only sixteen and almost a dad
Bradley:and me and Danielle love each over very much so it is the way forwards in the relationship mom u was a mom at sixteen so u cant say anything mom and yes we are keeping it to
...Third time reading it, I still don't know what the fuck just happened... At least with the other failfics, they had chapters to try, and fail, to explain the plot, but this... This is the whole fucking story. No background story, nothing.
Aisha: I should point something out, while he claims to love this 'Danielle,' he says his mate is David. Let's get the line again.
gem and my mate David was fighting each over
Aisha: See? Now, I'm thinking he's refering to him as like a First Mate, more so than a lover, but... Still. Is he the captain of the boat? We get no information about these people...
Also, could this 'Bradley' say 'mom' any more? Really? Every other word is 'mom' in his last lines.
Aisha: Oh, look. Author of two stories.
...All right, all right. So, it seems his other story, 'my sinnoh Adventure,' comes before 'new sinnoh.' But, if new sinnoh is supposed to be an epilouge, why not just put it in my sinnoh Adventure as an epilouge chapter? I mean, is it that hard to put this into a chapter? Now I look like a complete idiot. Good job, 'woolleybully.'
Aisha: Not like it's that hard to do...
What was that?
Aisha: Nothing, nothing...
*sigh* Anyway, since it CLEARLY stated this is an epilouge in the summary of new sinnoh, let's read msA and see if we can figure anything out, aside from what the three of us people and the AI know already, which is absolutely nothing but the characters names.

Chapter 1
My name is Bradley I am 16teen year old boy from twinleaf town.
I have 5 friends, gamma, dawn, May and ash and my girlfriend Danielle.
Me and my girlfriend have 2 Torterra my one being male and hers being female we have try to breed them but they won't breed.
Bradley: bro are you doing looking out the widow
Arran: nothing just thinking
Bradley: about what
Arron: about may she is hot
Dawn: are you reedy bradley to go to sinnoh
Bradley: yes
Bradley: is everybody reedy yet
Dawn yes
Bradley lets go
As we all got on to the boat Torterra jump out of his pokeball and started to cry and the same happen on Danielle boat her Torterra started to cry. So ash change boat to go to may.
Bradley Has everybody got a water type on them let them in the water.
gema said yes and send out her to
Bradley: Blastoise out u come.
Suddenly a Grados attack Blastoise with water pulse
Bradley :Blastoise hydro pump
Bradley : Blastoise use tackle
Then I throw a pokeball yes I have got you now.
On the over boat ash and may went to Mays room Arran follow and saw them making out.
Arran shouted no as loud as he could
Then me and Danielle went to my room and you don't want to know what happen
...Let me remind you, this is rated K. So, implying that they had sex... Is K-rating material? Also, I DON'T wanna know what you did in your room with your girlfriend. If you tried writing it, I'd probably get a headache from the grammar fails.
Aisha: First time the perv's turned down the option of porn...
Oh, shut up. Next chapter.

we all went to my moms house me and danielle went up stairs and let out each others torterras out as we started to kiss are torterra started to kiss then ash and may walk in to my room and saw us kissing and they stop are torterras breeding
ash o sorry wrong room and me said may
danielle we was not doing anyting anyway
bradley what she said
bradley ash may me and danielle are trying to breed are torterras don't tell anybody
bradley anyway why are you up here
ash me and may want some time alone
bradley that was why arron shouted
bradley ok see ya later
david woolley yo it is me david
bradley what
david can i come in no go away
danielle why did he call you woolley for babe
bradley that was my nickname in sinnho. dont you have a nickname
danielle no
bradley let go outside
bradley gem are you coming out
bradley come out leaf blastios nidoking nidoqueen cyndaquil staraptor
danielle out you come flower venusaur Alakazam pigeot milotic
dawn out everybody Piplup pachirisu ambipom buneary manaphy seaking
gem come out Blaze(Blaziken)Chimchar Flareon Ninetails Ponyta Todotile
lets getwarmed up leaf
but torterra would not move in stead he was looking at flower
bradley go other to her go on
so leaf did they started kissing and cuddling up to each other
david yo bradley
as david walk towards me torterra got very protective over flower.
bradley dawn gem and baby lets go to sleep at mine
bradley dawn and gem can sleep in the same rome me and danielle sleep in my room ash and may stay at
davids and leaf and flower can stay out here and gem and dawn if you hear any mad niose coming from my room it is me and danielle
So, what have we learned from this chapter?
Aisha: That the author deliberately put in the bold-underline stuff in new sinnoh. And that he's horny as hell and more perverted than you.
Shut up! Anything else?
Aisha: Nope. Also, they're having sex in his mom's house? Who does that?
Sex; remember kids, don't try it at home, go to a friends house!
Aisha: Thank you, Dreadzone announcer.
Heh heh. Had to do that one.
Aisha: I'm sure you did.
Next chapter!

Captor 3
...
1) FAIL
2) Oh, come on, you brought back the bold text? Why?

The next morning I got up first and most of my clothes have gone out of my wardrobe so I went down stair and there was 3 eggs. 2 with green spots and 1 with red spots. leaf and flower was lying next to each other. suddenly the egg with red spots started to crack and a turtwig which was on fire but it did not start crying because it was on fire so I try to put it out but it did not go out.
Bradley gem
Bradley gem
Gem what
Bradley one of the turtwigs are on fire but I can not put it out
Gem it is a Fire type can i have it come on let me have it. you have 3 come on.
bradley i will have to talk to !
danielle yes have they breed yet
bradley yes come and have a look now and can gem have one
danielle yes how many do we have
bradley,gem 3
dawn what is going on
bradley leaf and flower have breed
bradley lets go and get ash and may. better get jublife city
bradley i will go in i will be a sec when i went in to where they was sleeping
then i saw the snoging
bradley yo we are about to set off now get ready
ash ok
bradley where is david
ash i don't know don't care
bradley come on
30 minits later we all got to jublife city
me and danielle went to a cafe. dawn was trying to get with david. gem went to tran her new turtwig. ash and may walk around talking to people



suddenly a galactic grunt ran and grab gemers turtwig
gem turtwig use Flamethrower
when turtwig use flamethrower the grun blow up and his arms and legs when flying in to the air
...Kay. Now, what does this tell us about the epilouge?
Aisha: Absolutely nothing?
Bingo. Bottom line, this is shit, pure shit. If you ever find this fic... Run away! Run away and don't look back! Run if you value your lives! I'm Sirius, I read it 'cause I find the pieces of shit.
Aisha: Somebody's been watching the Nostalgia Critic lately... And here I thought he was done ripping off other comedians...
Hey, at least I credit them!
Aisha: True...
Both: 'Til our next snark, goodbye, Ultima and Admin.
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Re: 'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

Post by The Administrator on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:58 pm

Sex; remember kids, don't try it at home, go to a friends house!
Aisha:
Thank you, Dreadzone announcer.
Haaah, Rachet & Clank: Deadlocked... Fun game, that.

Anyway. It's kinda funny that script-format fics are the bottom rung of the ladder, and to top it off this one can't even be bothered to use colons. I mean seriously, why not just put a shopping list of words preceded by a name?
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Re: 'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

Post by Godmodder Studios on Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:48 pm

I know of something worse...

Something of such horrid quality that when I finished reading it I was litterally banging my head against my bed's headboard.

Ask if you wish to see...

I warn you, it is a doozy...
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Re: 'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

Post by The Administrator on Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:59 pm

I wish to see.
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Re: 'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

Post by Sirius on Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:26 pm

For once, I'm with Admin, let's see it.
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Re: 'new sinnoh' and 'my sinnoh Adventure', Pokemon Failfics

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