Dual snark. God help us all.

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Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Godmodder Studios on Fri Jul 02, 2010 2:10 am

Greetings everyone, this is the Writer, speaking. Today we begin in my quest to snark a truly horrific badfic by the title of Darkness and Light. Joining me is the only other people here that snarks fics, Sirius and his AI OC, Aisha. As you may have noticed, things are color-coded to signify the people talking. I am the white text, and Sirius is the green text.

Yo.
Aisha: Hello.
Let's just get this thing over with.
Chapter 1: Rebellious

The streets were drenched with rain water and pitch black with the exception of lamp posts standing in distant parts of Tech City. The night was very quiet and calm it seemed with two Mobian teenagers roaming the streets. One was a brown sixteen year old squirrel girl with silky long black hair flowing in the air while she ran with her lover. The other was a black eighteen year old fox boy with two ring piercings on the right side of his lip and right ear. He held her hand tightly in his grip as they ran together in the deserted streets.

Oh look, a pair of defiant teens...how cliche...
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Ultima: Oh I know how this is going to end...

She soon noticed that he was leading them both in a dark and narrow alley. She began to feel a little uncomfortable in the suspicious location. She stopped in her tracks and faced him with an uneasy look. "Chase, why are we here?"
"It's the only place your dad won't be able to catch us." He began to walk towards her and gently shoved her against the wet brick wall. His face was so close to hers, their noses were touching. "Now we can finally have some real fun without any interruptions."

...I sense rape in the near future.
Ultima: You don't know how right you are... -_-;
Gods, I hated that chapter...

Before they could continue, a huge bright white light had beamed on them practically blinding them in the process.
Chase raised his hand over his eyes so he could try to see what was going on. "What the fuck?"
"KAYLA!" A deep and firm voice had shouted at the entrance of the alley.
The squirrel's ears twitched at the familiar voice that was calling her name. "Oh God no. Please don't let it be him..." She spoke softly.
The two stood there and watched in horror as a male black hedgehog with red quills and blood red eyes slowly confront them with a dead serious look on his face.

Enter overprotective parent.
Ultima: *facepalm* And yes, it's Shadow. Much to my writer's dismay at the time.
...So... According to Chase, Shadow's a cop... When'd that happen?
Aisha: Failfic needs no logic or reasoning, let's just keep going. I wanna get done with this 54 chapter fic as soon as possible.
Amen to that, Aisha.
Technically, he's head of the Chaotix in this fic, it's explained in prequals, which you don't need to read to understand this story.


Chapter 2: Lecture

Shadow was standing in front of her with his arms crossed glaring at her with disappointment. "Kayla, I cannot believe what I witnessed tonight! Not only did you break curfew, but you were hanging out with that boy again! I don't like him. He's a terrible influence on you! Oh and this takes the cake! You were going to have sex with him too?"
With her rage building within her, she could no longer take her father's complaining any longer. "Dad!" She shouted in annoyance. "Could you just drop it already? I'm sixteen now! I have needs too you know!"

*whiny female voice imitation* Like DAAAAD, I so tottaly need to get fucked by my 18 year old boyfriend up against a wall in a dirty alleyway with no form of protection and thus risk me getting pregnent! Like, really, I have needs, too, you know!
God, what kind of father doesn't understand that? Also, I think you left out a few hundred 'likes.'
Ultima: Agreed. Stupid kid...

"Well, you could never tell, Kayla. That's why I'll always be there to protect you. I'm like a hawk. Touch one of my chicks and I'll use my sharp talons to claw your fucking eyes out!"

Ultima: Need I remind you, this is Shadow talking here...
So... Shadow is Lois from Family Guy, now...? I've missed a lot, haven't I?
Chapter 3: Rush
Whoo! Chapter three! Only... fifty-one... more...
Aisha: H-hey! Put the gun down...
We'll call it a day after 5, Wolfy. We'll pick up tomorrow.
...I think I can manage that...
Ultima: It's how we stay sane around here.
...No one here is 'sane,' Ultima. You should know this.
Ultima: In a figurative fashion, boy.
Whatever you say.
Aisha: Let's just keep going... I wanna get this done as soon as possible.

"It's all my fault. If it wasn't for my stupidity, Kayla would still be dead just as she was supposed to stay..."
Kayla was standing behind the corner of the kitchen with them not knowing that she was listening to the entire conversation. In hurt, tears swelled in her eyes. 'Does...does he truly...hate me?' It took her awhile to get her normal expression set before she entered the kitchen to confront them like she never had listened to them.

Ultima: You would think this was a plot point, but it isn't.
BIG-LIPPED ALLIGATER MOMENT! *cue sound effects*
Aisha: *sarcasm* Nostalgia Critic? Who's that?
Bugger off, you. Nothing wrong with borrowing his jokes.
Aisha: As long as credit is given.
Hey, I always give him credit.
Aisha: Did I say you didn't? No? So shut up.
...Yes ma'am.
lawl
Moving on...
Chapter 4: Heartbreaking Embarrasment

The fox didn't seem to notice Kayla walking forth to him and the other two boys, so he continued to talk to them. "Yeah but I was dead close though."
"Chase, I'm starting to think you're not trying to fuck her at all."
"Yeah", the other boy agreed. "What's the matter? Scared she'll bite your head off?"
The fox shook his head, "I'm not scared. Her asshole of a father keeps walking in on us."
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Don't forget Chase, we had a bet remember? You fuck demon girl and we give you the good shit."
Chase began to laugh a bit, "Heh, after when I'm done fucking her, I'm going to need acid so I can trip balls from that disgusting feeling. The bitch probably has poison in her pussy or some shit."

Ultima: How...unsurprising...
How predictable...
Well, Chase turns out to be a douche. Anyone suprised? Anyone?
Aisha: Well, Kayla is.
Anyone with half a brain cell suprised?
Aisha: Negative.
So the chica goes demon on his ass, or is about to.. then...this absolutely poor excuse of masculinity appears...

Before Kayla could move any closer, she stopped in her tracks by the sight of a brown male cat and fox hybrid. Her eyes widened as she saw him confronting Chase with a rather serious face. She watched as the hybrid raised his hand and slapped Chase hard in the face knocking him back from a powerful blow.

...And? I say she should still kick Chase's ass. Now she has someone to help her with it.
Guess what follows...
Does she attack him? NO. She runs away blushing after the hybrid slaps him and say she's a 'sweet girl.' Why? Just kill Chase. It can't be that hard. If I were her, I'd have ripped him in half.
Aisha: If you were her, you'd be mentally challenged.
...True.
Trust me, she IS mentally challenged...
Aisha: I just said that.
I figured that out quite early on.
Ah.
Chapter 5: Hardships

"So...", Shadow began. "Why am I here again?"
"I just told you", the rabbit spoke. "Your daughter had a breakdown in the locker room."
"Break...down?"
She sighed once again, "She got her period."
Shadow remained silent for a moment until he spoke again. "So…why am I here again?"

...
Ultima: ...
...
Aisha: ...
Fail?
Aisha: Fail.
Epic fail.
Da. Very much so.
You know what bothers me during this whole little 'High School' portion of this story the most?
What?
The fact that everyone knows that she's half-demon, wouldn't it have been a far better idea to NOT tell everyone and their mother's mother that she's a freak of nature? I mean, really. Over three-quarters of her social problems could have been prevented if they made sure that little piece of information stayed a secret...
I agree, though. But, maybe there's a good reason, something that happened that made this common knowledge. But I really, really doubt it.
There isn't. It's never explained why this was made common knowledge.
So, typical failfic plothole?
Just like the big-lipped-alligator moment earlier.
Indeed.
Well, looks like we're done for the day...
Ultima: That was quick...
Trust me, we have YET to even see just what kind of crap this story is...
Ultima: And full of...
...Well, shit.
Aisha: Ah well, we're done for today.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by The Administrator on Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:46 pm

I personally don't see what's so dramatically fail about this. Just seems to be your average badfic from my standpoint.

...God, I hope I'm right...
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Sirius on Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:28 am

No, Admin. You are very wrong.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Godmodder Studios on Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:08 pm

Chapter 6: Evade

We start off this chapter with Kayla crying her eyes out in her bedroom; this of course leads to this exchange between Rouge and Shadow.



Rouge could tell that Shadow was in some sort of rotten mood. "What's up with you? You seem pissed off or something."



He began to rub his head in stress. "It's the crying", he spoke in a soft tone so Kayla wouldn't hear him. "It's annoying the fucking shit out of me."


Ultima: Such a loving parent...

Once again, took the words right out of my mouth...

Oh, and further along, we get this charmingly out of place statement from Rouge...



"Kayla, you must understand something...your father was born a half demon."


Ultima: Then she gives us a brief back-story about when Shadow got his demonic powers.

Half-demon, huh?

Aisha: So... He's InuYasha?

They're both half demons, people.

Ultima: Is it just me, or wouldn't this have worked a lot better in the prequels that, oh I don't know, actually focused on Shadow?

It would've.

Oh, and to finish this off, a hypocritical comment by Shadow.



"Well, I'm glad that you feel better, Kayla. It wasn't easy seeing you all depressed about something like that."


...

Aisha: Consistency? What's that?

Ultima: And we haven't even begun to see the epic bullshit yet.

Chapter 7: Friend



She was cut off when she saw her father pinning Rouge to the refrigerator with moans of pleasure escaping the bat with every thrust he made.




Ultima: ...

...

Aisha: ...That's just great...

They could have at least waited for her to leave for school.

Ultima: This is only the first paragraph of the chapter and I'm already annoyed... -_-;

...What were they thinking...? 'Hey, let's have sex right in front of the refrigerator, where our daughter has to pass by to go to school!'

Aisha: 'Ooh, what a brilliant idea! We'll scar her for life!' *shakes head*

'Yay!' Ugh...

Indeed.



'Yeah, yeah save it, dad. This isn't the first time I've seen this happen and I doubt if this will be the last.'


That was KAYLA, people.

Ultima: Apparently Shadow and Rouge haven't heard of bedrooms and locked doors, eh?

It would seem they haven't.

Idiots



"Heh, you can call me Taku."


ENTER LOVE INTEREST

Ultima: AND SECONDARY MAIN ANNOYANCE

Yay, oh wait, this is nothing to celebrate, this is going to hurt me.

Aisha: What, the hybrid that slapped Chase? *very sarcastic voice* Gee, I didn't see HIM coming back up in the story. Much less so as the love interest. Color me shocked.

It really was that obvious, huh?

About as subtle as you.

Now you're insulting me...

Chapter 8: Alliance

In this chapter, we're introduced to the final two of the Epic Fail Squad. Mesu and Rai. FWI, Rai is Bi, as indicated by Taku and the fact she's hitting on the Thi-err, I mean Kayla...



'Does Mesu have some kind of history with Chase?' While Kayla was deep in thought, she had no clue that they were sitting across from Chase at another table.


EPIC FORESHADOWING GO!

THAT's deep in thought?

Aisha: Well, we did establish the fact that she's mentally challenged...

True... Don't wanna hurt herself, well, hell, I do.



Airu looked over to the squirrel smiling towards Taku and his friends, 'That girl better watch her back. I have a feeling Chase is going to hurt her more than she could ever imagine...'


EVEN MORE EPIC FORESHADOWING!

You beat me to it. Again.

Not my problem.

Chapter 9: Redefining Darkness



The wolf looked up at the sky as well, "It's been pretty quiet around here lately hasn't it? You think something's in the air?"



Shadow clenched his fists as he looked over at the black and red wolf with a serious look. "I don't know, but I do have a bad feeling that whatever's out there is going to hit Mobius hard."


ENTER NEW OC: Midnight

Ultima: WE COULDN'T POSSIBLY MAKE THE APPROACHING PLOT SEEM ANY MORE OMINOUS PEOPLE!!!

Oh, I'm sure we could...

Aisha: ...No, no I don't think we could...

AND IF WE CAN'T, ALLOW US TO BASH YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS OMINOUS FORESHADOWING!

Ultima: Seriously, as of right now, we got ourselves two plots. The subplot with Chase and the main plot which will involve the main antagonists from this series.

For those of you who don't know, that would be demons.

Ultima & Writer: ONWARD!



'What? But Taku is always touching her and what not. They're obviously not just friends...fuck buddies perhaps?'


...No comment.

...I...I got nothin'.

Moving along...



While Taku was walking with Kayla, a black figure was standing on a nearby building rooftop watching them walking along the sidewalk. The dark figure was a black demonic creature with piercing red eyes, sharp claws on the fingertips, two yellow horns on his head, transparent black wings, and a long black tail. The demon's fangs prolonged in lust it appeared, "What power", the demon growled. "I'd kill for something like that. The demon inside of that girl is incredible..." The demon began to lick his lips, "It's weird though...if the demon was that strong why isn't she sensing my presence? Apparently, she's not as strong as me, the true son of Lord Dark Demon." He began to form an evil smirk as he looked at the blushing Kayla being walked home by Taku. "That demon inside of that girl...I must have her...I want her as my queen!"


And with the end of this chapter, comes the entrance of our main villain, who seems to be fluent in Kirk.

Lord Dark Demon...?

Aisha: That's the most creative name I've ever heard... Oh, wait, no it fucking isn't!

So, yeah, doesn't this just make you think we're in for such wonderful writing ahead?

It isn't his name.

No, he said he's the son of Lord Dark Demon. I know it's not the antagonist’s name.

Oh, wait that guy. Yeah...he is only referenced here; the Captain Kirk wannabe is our villain here.

Yeah. Got that much.

Chapter 10: Confrontation



Later that night at the Chaotix, everything was locked and secure for the rest of the night when everyone had went home. Outside of the main door, a black creature had appeared at the glass door and tried to open it, but it was locked. "Locked door?" He raised his sharp claws at the handle of the door, "No problem...", he spoke with a deep laugh.


I TOLD YOU THAT WE WERE GOING TO BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS FORESHADOWING THING!

Wow, you were right. Shocking.



"Everything seems to be here except..." He turned to the worried crocodile in fright. "Except the Demon Release Glove...it's gone! The Demon Release Glove is missing!"



"What? That's stupid! Who would want that glove? The only thing it does is extract demons from their hosts."


Just guess who their first guess is as to who took it.

Hurrdurr, I dun know, who?



"...Shadow's daughter would never..." Vector didn't want to assume it was Kayla who took the glove, but he couldn't think of another individual who would want the glove.


That's right people, they assume that 16 year old teenage girl is capable of breaking into their, what I assume to be, high-security vault and steal the thing that would separate her and her demon.

Ultima: Fridge logic: How would she even know about this device?

...This is failfic, there IS no logic.

True, but this is a snark, we gotta ask these questions that won't be answered.

Also true.



"Can an Almas write a subliminal message into a disfigured corpse?"


Subliminal message: A signal or message embedded in another object, designed to pass below the normal limits of perception

Ultima: I'd like to meet the guy capable of not only writing a subliminal message in corpse, but in a disfigured one. That's skill right there.

I applaud the demon with that kinda skill.

Indeed.

And this chapter ends with the di-er, I mean, main character getting assaulted by a 'mysterious' black hedgehog that bears a passing resemblance to her father. Said hedgehog is wearing a 'huge red glove'.

Ultima: Oh god, THAT chapter is coming up soon!

*blinks* OHSHIT, the party chapter! *begins preparations for epic head desk* I'd suggest you do the same, wolfy, by the end of that section, you'll want to both smash your head through a wall and kill the Epic Fail Squad.

I already wanna kill 'em, but... *does so as well*

Ultima: Until next time people...
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by The Administrator on Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:18 pm

And by 'people' you mean me.

Nice snark so far. I'm starting to see just why this is such a bad fic...
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Sirius on Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:28 pm

And 'The Writer' (as he tells me to call him) says we haven't even hit the epic shit yet...
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Godmodder Studios on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:02 pm

Chapter 11: Assuming the Unexpected



Shadow studied what the word embedded on the back said in the man's blood, 'Rebirth...'


Wow, looks like our author here doesn't know what the definition for 'subliminal message' is.

Ultima: Subliminal does imply a bit of subtly...

Indeed it does. Baka.



"Just another murder from a class A demon", Espio spoke as he glanced over at the corpse again.



She placed her hands over her mouth in disgust at the sight, "Oh how awful…"


How...subdued...

Oh, is that all? Gee, I thought it was something to worry about. Also, I believe I have the right to make this quote... 'Tragedy, ain't it?'

Aisha: Thank you, that was very necessary.

I thought so.

Indeed.

I just realized something, how do a hedgehog and a bat make a squirrel...?

Aisha: You just now realized that that wouldn't work?

Shut up, I was preoccupied with insulting this...

I believe that the squirrel was adopted in a previous installment.

Ah. That would explain it.



The cat took her mind off of the body and turned to the hedgehog once again as she remembered her reason for trying to find him in the first place. "Oh that's right! Did you hear the news lately? Someone broke into the Chaotix last night and stole the Demon Release Glove from the vault."



The ebony hedgehog's eyes widened in disbelief, "What?" He tried to figure out who would want the Demon Release Glove especially for its only use to extract demons from their hosts.



"And it gets worse! Vector and Charmy are thinking that...well...maybe Kayla had something to do with it..."



"What!" Shadow shouted in anger, "How could they think something like that! Kayla would never..."


Of course she would, she's a mentally challenged teenager and getting rid of the demon inside her would essentially end all of her social problems seeing as the overall intelligence level of the people of this story seem to have.

No, Shadow's right. She would never do that. She's not smart enough to come up with that plan.

Aisha: And considering how stupid the plan is... Yeah. That's bad.

Well, in theory it's sound, but you do have a point...

Of course I do.

ONWARD! *dramatic stance*

Ultima: ...

Aisha: And I thought YOU were an embarrassing writer...

Thanks...

Chapter 12: Waking the Demon



The black and red hedgehog shrugged, "Who knows? But I do know this...I can't lose Kayla. I love her too much to see her getting hurt in anyway. When I find the bastard who hurt her, I'll make sure they suffer just as she did except way worse..."


Isn't that an oxymoron?

Ultima: Indeed it is...

Yeah... And this is from the guy who said Kayla's crying was 'annoying the fucking shit' out of him. And he also decided not to try and comfort her. That's love right there.

Aisha: 'I love her too much' my ass...



Meanwhile inside of a rundown hotel, a brown squirrel woman with red eyes, brown wavy hair that came down to her neck, wearing a black sleeveless corset, black fingerless gloves, a black denim miniskirt, and black high heeled shoes was looking out a huge window from one of the rooms.


So...goth hooker?

Goth hooker.



"Not just any demon...I am Darkness, the son of Lord Dark Demon."


Writer:

So... Demon's have no creativity when it comes to names? I mean, come on, 'Darkness' and 'Lord Dark Demon?' What's the next demon's name gonna be, 'Evil,' or something else stupid like that?

Aisha: You're one to talk...

Shut it, AI.

XD

ONWARD!

Chapter 13: Chasing Danger



Mesu gasped in shock at her confusing yet terrifying story, "Kayla, that's awful."


Confusing? Yes, for one of the Epic Fail Squad. Terrifying? Not by a long shot.

Well yeah, think of it like this, would it be confusing and scary to get attacked and knocked out, only to wake up with no memory of what happened and only a big red mark on your stomach to signify that something happened?

True, it would be somewhat confusing and scary, but I wouldn't say 'terrifying.' It just seems a little strong to me. Also, if it wanted you dead, you'd probably be dead, not just have a red mark on your stomach. Plus, just walk home in a group or go a different way. I suggest the group option.

Aisha: Sirius hasn't really experienced fear much, so you'll have to understand his lack of knowledge...

You know, I don't really think that there's much else in this chapter to snark...how about you, wolfy?

Nothin' much, methinks.

Well then... ONWARD!

Yes, yes, tally-ho and what not.

Chapter 14: Playing Games



She giggled seductively when she felt his lips meet her soft, warm neck. She soon began to moan in ecstasy when she felt his fangs nibbling on her skin. As soon as she felt his hands release from her wrists, she began to feel upon his body. "Oh yes...", she moaned in delight. "Take me now..."



While hearing her pleasurable moans, he slowly sunk his fangs into her neck taking her warm blood.



Her fangs grew longer as he sunk his fangs into her even more. "Ah! Demitri..." Her hand began to stoke his lower region gently and immediately found out that he had gotten hard. She smirked as she moved her hand to his abdomen.


Just a taste of what's to come...the lemon is all about this bloody shit. Very much blood n' gore kink. *shudders*

Ultima: Wasn't aware demons were synonymous with vampires... -_-;

...Joy...

Aisha: Well, in this story they are, anyway...

Trust me; a whole chapter is dedicated to their 'special' lemon. Me thinks the author has issues...

Me knows the author has issues...

Aisha: Oh yeah, you stumbled into one of this author's fics before...

Yeah... Not a fun experience, I must say.

You're telling me, I actually read this series in its entirety before.

Ok, let's get this over with, ONWARD!

Chapter 15: The Party

*shudders* The horror...

Ultima: Here comes the shit-storm people. Grab your haz-mat suits...

...I'm scared...

Aisha: You have every right to be...

Well... Let's get this 'Party Section' over with.

Affirmative.

[quote]

"Hey don't get so down. When you get to that party, I promise you, you'll feel good as shit."[/quote

Look, another oxymoron!

Yay. Just what this story needed.



The squirrel tried to form a smile towards her as well, but she couldn't stop thinking that something was desperately wrong.


LET'S GRAB THE BASEBALL BAT OF FORESHADOWING PEOPLE!

*hands said bat to you* Here you go.

Aisha: Can the foreshadowing get any more obvious?

With the 'Bat of Foreshadowing,' it probably could.



The squirrel was in deep thought as she was trying to figure out what Rai had meant, until she spotted a familiar brown male hybrid approaching her while swaying a bit and holding a half empty beer bottle in his hand. She had to blink many times to make sure that was Taku actually approaching her in that state. "Taku?"


Oh, getting drunk isn't all he's going to be doing tonight people...

Ultima: Some friend...

*sniff* Do I smell marijuana...?



She remained silent while she tried to tell herself over and over that the guy holding her hand was not Taku. Before she knew it, Taku had led her into a quieter room upstairs with not so many teens. She looked around and saw them all sitting on the bed, floor, and chairs smoking cigarettes and taking bong hits. She gasped at the sight and quickly released her hand from Taku's. "Taku, what's going on here? What is this?"


Yes, yes you do.

Called it. So, yeah... Her only friends are drug addicts. How wonderful.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!



Taku shrugged as Mesu began to take another hit from the bong. "Suit yourself." He turned to Mesu and noticed that the smoke that she inhaled was already in her mouth. He leaned over to her, placed his mouth over hers, and began to take in the smoke she was exhaling.


Remember the 'fuck-buddy' foreshadowing earlier?

Ultima: So yeah...

Well, isn't that just charming.



"Long time no see, demon bitch!"


Oh, guess who!

YAY, the douche is back!

Aisha: Hoorah.

ONWARD!

Chapter 16: Outing



Meanwhile, Demitri was trying to hunt down Kainya with his demonic eyes. He felt her presence in the building he was standing in front of. He looked up at the sign of the building and his eyes immediately widened, "What? A...strip...club?" He murmured in a soft voice. "Why would that woman be here?" He opened the entrance to the club and stepped inside. He looked around the dark club that was filled with calm and relaxing music and the cheering of the many guys that were sitting in chairs eyeing the stage in front of them. He began to look for her until he finally found her up on the stage dancing gracefully against a metal pole that was sticking out of the stage floor in front of the aroused men. When he saw her rubbing her body and wrapping her legs against the pole erotically, it was like his entire world had stopped. 'Holy shit!' He thought. 'That woman is flexible!'


No shit man, she's a whore.

Duh.



"I knew you were some kind of whore!"



The squirrel pointed to herself in confusion, "Me? A whore? Oh don't be ridiculous! I've never fucked a soul yet!"



The hedgehog crossed his arms in disbelief, "Yeah right!"



She sighed as she began to walk around him in a slow pace. "I'm being honest with you for once. I may look like I have but I haven't let a guy touch me yet. I'm just having some fun so why don't you, Tri!" She spoke as she playfully hit his shoulder.


Wait...she's a virgin? Holy fuck, now THERE'S an honest-to-god surprise.

Ultima: I would have expected her to have screwed at least five guys by now...

She's... a virgin... SHE'S a virgin...?

Aisha: Siri... Siiiiriiii... I think the shock killed him...

Ultima: CLEAR! *defibrillates Sirius*

*cough* I'm okay... Just... That caught me off guard...

Me too, from the way she was behaving I wouldn't have expected that from her.

The rest of this chapter goes on to have them talk about their feelings about their mobian forms, and then has the she-demon take the he-demon out for a strawberry sundae.

Ultima: wut

You heard me.

Ultima: ...

Two blood-thirsty demons went out for sundaes...? Aisha?

Aisha: Fail.

ONWARD!

Chapter 17: Realization



The hedgehog shrugged, "Airu, I don't know why you're so upset. So what if you're gay? It doesn't matter. Chase has no right to judge you for that and you know it."


INTRODUCING NEW SUBPLOT!

Ultima: Joy.

'Cause we needed another plot, even if it is just a subplot...



"What!" Rai shouted in disbelief, "Kayla's roaming around alone and Chase is in the house!"



Taku chuckled a bit when he heard Rai panicking while he didn't know the whole situation, "Chill, sis. I'm sure Kayla's fine."


Taku is such a caring love interest, isn't he?

Yes, yes he is. About as caring as Shadow is. No, I'm not gonna let the fact that her crying annoyed the 'fucking shit' out of him go.



"You can go look for her", he spoke in an uncaring voice. "I need to sober up some", he then slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep.


Ultima & Writer:

Aisha: I'd say she deserves better, but that'd be bullshit...



Meanwhile in the basement of the house, Kayla found herself bound to a gray metal chair with chains wrapped around her body. Her mouth was taped shut with duct tape. All she could do was stare at the three figures standing in front of her while she was in a huge basement.



"Chase?" A nervous tiger spoke. "What did you do to her?"



"Nothing...yet", A black fox answered.


Remember that foreshadowing way back in the lunchroom scene during the high school sequence? Yeah...

Ultima:

...

Aisha: ... *sigh*

ONWARD!

Chapter 18: Interest

Back to the demons people, because we all wanna see a pair of bloodthirsty demons talk about their feelings for each other over a couple of strawberry sundaes. I honestly cannot believe I just said that.

Ultima: They are an embarrassment to the demonic kind everywhere.

Ugh... I feel sorry for demons everywhere, with these two giving them a bad name...

Well, only one is actually enjoying it, the other's actually still standing by what a demon is...for now.



"Demitri? Stop looking out that window and eat your strawberry sundae already."



The hedgehog turned to her and watched her take her spoon and began to eat the whipped cream on the dessert. He looked down at the strawberry sundae set in from of him and stared at it. "Strawberry sundae? What? What the hell is this anyway? Demons don't eat this crap!"


See?

Ultima: There may be hope for him yet.

Maybe.

Anyways, the rest of this chapter isn't quote-worthy, hell, Dimitri the he-demon makes to leave her near the end.

Ultima: Then the she-demon kinda breaks down, saying that she doesn't want to be alone. Anyone else get the feeling that she's more than just a 'little' shallow?

Me.

Aisha: And me.

So anyways, an Alma attacks them and we finally get some real action in which Dimitri pwns the hell out if in a bloody fashion and she-demon damn near swoons at the gory display of strength.

ONWARDS!

Chapter 19: Distractions

We're flying through these chapters, aren't we?

I want to get to the snarkable stuff, the demon section is actually decent.

Ultima: It's the mobian side of things that's full of shit.

Hm. Well, as you said, onwards.

Like this very valid point made by Chase when Kayla says that Taku will save her:



"That bastard doesn't care about you! He only cares about getting high and drunk! Do you think someone like that has your back every fucking second? Do you want a friend like him?"


Ultima: Pretty sad when the dude that's raping you destroys your hopeful argument with a simple bit of obvious logic.

Indeed...

Know what else man? He's completely right...



"Kayla..." Taku spoke in a low voice. 'I...I let this happen to you', he thought.


YER DAMNED RIGHT YOU STUPID DRUG-ADDICTED SONUVABITCH!!! *rage*

Fuckin' moron...



'I was supposed to protect you, but I...failed! I didn't care when you needed me! I'm such an idiot! You'll never forgive me...'


And the sad fact is, she will 'cause he's her 'twu wuv'. Though any intelligent girl would drop him in a nanosecond and never speak to him or his group again.

Of course. The girl always forgives her 'twu wuv' in a failfic.



Suddenly, everyone was blinded by more of the white glowing sparks that surrounded Taku's body.



Rai tried to see what was going on with him, "What? What is this power?"



Mesu tried her hardest to see what was going on as well and was worried about Taku. "Taku..."



When the glow from around his body dimmed a bit, everyone's mouth hung open at the sight of a sword with the color of a red blade being held in Taku's hand.


Taku: ANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGST *turns into superman and flies off to save the day* -My interpretation of this scene

Your interpretation is a bit off. You forgot a bit of the angsting.

But I'd run out of time if I put in all the angst!

True...

ONWARD!

Chapter 20: Playing Dirty

-insert epic actions sequence with badass flirting between the two demons while they slaughter Alma's-

This...was actually a pretty badass chapter.

Eh, it had to have one, I suppose...

ONWARD!

Chapter 21: Taunt



Taku stared at the petrified Kayla in shock. He couldn't believe that Chase would do something so cruel and unspeakable. "Kayla" he murmured. His eyes lit up with rage as he turned to the black male fox sitting in the metal gray chair with his legs crossed smirking towards him. "You son of a bitch!" He shouted in anger. "Why'd you do it?"



The fox laughed a bit before he actually explained himself, "It was quite simple actually..."



The brown hybrid's grip on the sword he was holding had tightened while he was eager to know the reason why Chase had violated her.



"...I was bored and wanted some demon pussy!" The fox laughed obnoxiously after he responded to Taku's question.


Ultima: Eh, good enough for me.

Oh, well, that's a perfectly legitimate reason.



Chase saw how angry Taku was and decided to make him even more upset. "What's wrong, Taku? Are you upset that you were too busy getting fucked up rather than helping that demon bitch?"


Another valid point by the sublpot antagonist.

Ultima: Why is he constantly nailing all these very good points?

'Cause he's not as stupid as the protagonists?

Good point.

So Chase points out that he was Kayla's first, which I'm oddly ok with.

Ultima: He's smarter than Taku.

Good point.



He gasped in horror and was stunned that the situation was far worse than anyone expected. He began to raise the glowing sword at the fox, "You bastard!" Before he could strike the sword down at him he saw Rai quickly push Chase out of the way making Taku miss his body.


You know, as much as I like Chase, he really does deserve to die, just like the Epic Fail Squad and Kayla.

True.



"Kayla", he choked while tears ran down his cheeks. "This is all my fault. I'm...so sorry...I'm sorry..."


At least he admits his mistakes.

Yeah...

Ultima: A bit late to realize them, no?

ONWARD!

Chapter 22: Messy Intimatcy

Oh god, this is the demon lemon, isn't it?

Ultima: Good god it is!

Aisha: Aww, shit...

...Damnit...

I-I'm not quoting jack here. Let's just keep moving...

Good idea...

This is a read-only chapter people, if you want to see it, read it. Though I honestly don’t recommend it. Take our word for it.

ONWARDS!

Chapter 23: Forgiveness



He also thought if she told her father about what happened, he may get in trouble and even worse could lead to Chase being arrested.


Writer & Ultima:

Sirius:

Aisha: ...

WHY DOES HE NOT WANT CHASE ARRESTED FOR RAPING KAYLA!? *rage*

Fuckin' idiot!

Aisha: And, remember, this baka is the love interest...

This fic is gonna be the death of me...



"When I was parted from my host, we couldn't fight each other. Every impact I threw at him, had felt the same to me."


Remember this people; this is the introduction of this story's greatest wallbanger plothole.

...Eep...?

Eep indeed. This self-imposed rule will be completely subverted and broken by the end of this story.

Ultima: It also brings about a brilliant piece of fridge logic: If this rule is to be believed, why not just capture their former hosts and lock them away forever while in turn keeping them healthy and alive?



"Oh Kayla, no! I wasn't kissing her! We were doing a shotgun that's all!"


Writer & Ultima: BULLSHIT

Yeaaaah, you need to work on your lying skills, pal...



He was silent for a moment, then took Kayla's hand, and escorted her to the seat of the swing. He sat beside her while he held her hand. "I think I should tell you what happened when Chase and I were still friends..."


...

Ultima: I sense cliché dark back-story.

Chapter 24: Mask

ON TO THE BACKSTORY!

Yipee...



The blue hybrid embraced the book in happiness. "I finally did it, Taku! I finally found myself!"



He rose an eyebrow in utter confusion, "You...found yourself?"



She made a small nod, "Yup! I read all of this book that tells how a girl reacts towards others and in the end, it turned out I don't just like guys, but I like girls too! Taku, I'm bi!"


I cannot describe how turned on I am right now...

...I'm starting to like this fic...

Aisha: Ugh... Men...

Ultima: XD



"No wonder I always get a little excited when I see those x rated girl on girl scenes in horror movies!"


...I'm suddenly vastly interested in the horror genre...

Ultima: Just what kind of horror movies is this chick watching?

The good kind, I think.

I don't know about you, but I highly doubt that she was watching horror movies... >_>

What gave you that idea? I mean, doesn't every horror movie have an X-rated girl-on-girl scene?

The last time I saw something like that was in Nostalgia Critic's Mortal Kombat 2 review.

That wasn't in the horror genre, though...

Aisha: But it WAS a horror film.

Quite true.

I don't think that Mortal Kombat is a horror movie...

MK2's so bad that I consider it one...

Touché, wolfy.



"Yeah you know? The black fox guy who does all those drugs and is a total badass."


Chase the badass? Seems so different from Chase the rapist druggie scumbag...

Oh, those are interchangeable...

Aisha: No, no they are not. Chase just isn’t a badass.

Yeah, you can't be a badass and a drug addict at the same time.

Obviously.



He saw how suddenly concerned his sister got for him and thought that he shouldn't be hanging around with Chase after all.


Wow...that's one convincing chick.

My thoughts exactly.



Taku gasped and placed his hands over his mouth in shock as he saw Chase's grandmother place her hands over his eyes while she began to cry. 'Dear God...Not only is Chase poor but he treats his grandmother like total shit.'


...Wow, what a total ass...

He makes you look like a... Well, not as big an ass...

Aisha: Clever.

Shut up.

Chapter 25: Past Sins



It annoyed him from the fact that Mesu was Chase's girlfriend because deep down inside of him, he had liked her but knew he couldn't dare take her away from Chase. He shrugged as if everything that had happened in his life was no big deal and tried not to worry Mesu about his confusing feelings towards her. "Just the usual I guess."


I guess some chicks just don't have any standards...

Ultima: That or she must like drug addicts...

As I said, no standards.

Indeed.



The black hybrid gasped at Chase's sudden behavior and had gotten frightened.


You would think she would be used to his sudden behavioral changes by now...

Ultima: I got 20 on the kid being pretty much bipolar by now.

Well, you obviously made 20 bucks...



As much as Taku wanted to hit him, he couldn't. He couldn't fight someone who was so confused and lost. "Chase, I thought...I thought you were someone else. I...didn't expect this to be the real you. If this is how you want your life to be run, then I want no part of it...and neither does Mesu."


Honestly, I don't think it should be such a surprise.

Ultima: Say it with me now, people, DUMBASS!

Aisha & Sirius: *shake heads* Fuckin' moron...



"Taku, I never knew that Chase...was like that", Kayla spoke as she placed her hand in Taku's while they were sitting beside each other on the swing set.


...

Ultima:

*facepalm*

HE FUCKING RAPED YOUR FRIEND, HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN ABOUT THAT!?

Dude, they're mentally challenged. We've stated this countless times-

Aisha: I could count the times...

Figuratively, AI. Anyway, they're dumbshits. The rage is unnecessary.

I gotta rage about something, it's what I do best in snarks.

True.



He stood from the swing as well and held her body close to his in a loving embrace. "I'll quit drugs Kayla, so I can protect you from now on..."


How cute...attempted character development.

Attempted character development? No! Kill it! Kill it with FIRE and AIDS! Get back to the fail!

XD

Chapter 26: An Undying Question



She groaned as she held her stomach in pain, "Tri, I think...something's wrong with me..."


Noooo...

Ultima: Ah, hell nah!

Ohhh, something's wrong with her all right...

Aisha: I didn't think it would 'cause stomach pain...

I thought it was just, well...her.

It's called Morning Sickness...a symptom of pregnancy... -_-;

Oh, well, imagine that. The demon who got fucked with no form of protection got pregnant. Shocking.

Ultima: But...but...that doesn't appear until later on! This isn't an instantaneous thing, you know!

They're demons, Ultima. This writer has the capacity to make shit up as he/she goes along...

Very true.

Ultima: BUT STILL...

This is failfic. Failfic has no logic. Failfic has no reasoning. Failfic is fail.

Ultima: HEADACHE

Advil.

Ultima: YES



She formed a small smile, "Thanks, hun." She watched him leave the room until she heard the door close. She looked down at her stomach and rose an eyebrow as she rubbed it, 'Is it just me or...does my stomach look bigger?'


That's right people, demons fucking go through pregnancy at an advanced rate.

Well, of course. Obviously, right?

This means that demons can breed like rabbits. -Fridge Logic

Yup.

Chapter 27: Aquaintance



Kayla smiled at her friends' amazed faces as she pointed at the building. "This is the Chaotix Detective Agency. My dad is second in command."


Of course.

Indeed.



When they all entered the building, they saw a purple female cat, a yellow and black boy bee, a white female bat, a purple male chameleon, a green male crocodile, a black and red male wolf, and a young and shy looking man with a metal blindfold over his eyes and snow white hair that came down to his shoulders.


Last I checked, Rouge was a G.U.N. agent, not a Chaotix detective...

...Don't you ever bring logic and canon into this again!



"Explain in the conference room! I made breakfast!" The purple chameleon spoke with a warm smile.


Yes, Espio is a cook, and he sounds gay...

Ultima: How about now?

...According to one of the author’s fics, he's bisexual...

Aisha: Oh, yeah, that one. How much therapy did you go through, again?

I just played the Therapy song. (Doubt anyone will get the reference, but a cookie to the first to do so.)



"Like I said before...", Shadow continued, "...You may have Chaos powers."



The brown hybrid rose an eyebrow at the strange term, "What are Chaos powers?"



Shadow began to explain while he used his chopsticks to get more food onto his plate. "Chaos powers are substantial elements found deep inside the mind and soul of a being that represents the balance of darkness and light."


Tch, looks like we're going to get a training sequence soon...

Ultima: After all, the plot doth approach quickly.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by The Administrator on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:50 pm

WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO THE CHAOTIX.
WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO THE CHAOTIX.
WHAT. THE FUCK. DID THEY DO. TO THE FUCKING CHAOTIX.

YOU DO NOT PUT THE CHAOTIX INTO A FAILFIC.
YOU DO NOT OOC THE CHAOTIX.
YOU DO NOT PUT SUES AND STUS, INTO THE FUCKING CHAOTIX.
YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE FUCKING CHAOTIX!


No one is allowed to use the Chaotix in fanfiction again. EVER.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Godmodder Studios on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:58 pm

I warned you all, and did you listen? Noooo...

Now you reap the consequences fanboy.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by The Administrator on Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:52 am

Well, in all honestly, I can unfortunately say I've read far, far worse than the demon lemon.
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

Post by Tails on Sun Dec 19, 2010 8:34 pm

This made my day... thank you friends.
*Spins tails and flies away*
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Re: Dual snark. God help us all.

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