Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

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Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by Sirius on Sun Jul 11, 2010 2:44 am

So, I'm back. And I'm reviewing an Invader Zim failfic from Media Miners, Jesus help me... Let's dive right in, shall we? This is Under the Knife.
So we start with our hero protaganist, Zim being disected. Charming.
"How did I get here?" Zim asked himself, all though he already knew the answer. It was because of her. She had betrayed him.
Who's this 'she' he's talking about? I guess we'll just have to read to find out. You know, this isn't seeming too bad yet, maybe-
"GIR! YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AGAIN!" Zim shrieked. “DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME YOU DID THAT?! I HAD TO GO IN DIB'S DISGUSTING OVER-SIZED HEAD AND ERASE HIM MEMORY! THAT'S IT, NO CHOCOLATE-BUBBLEGUM FREEZIES FOR A WEEK! DO YOU HEAR ME!

...Maybe I should learn to shut the fuck up... So yeah, this is gonna hurt.
Aisha: Yay.
However, Zim realized that GIR could not hear him because he wasn't there. In fact, GIR wasn't in the house at all. At first, Zim wasn't worried. This wasn't the first time that this had happened. GIR was probably in a dance club or riding around with hot girls.
...So, Gir's a pimp?
Aisha: I've seen that robot dance, and trust me, he wouldn't get any normal girls with THAT...
Unless they took pity on him... So, after three days, Zim prepares to look for Gir at Dib's house, as Dib's been giving him extra evil looks. But then...
"What madness is this?" he thought as he walked to the door. It had better not be Dib with a ransom note. However, to his surprise, it wasn't Dib at all. It was his sister, Gaz with GIR at her side, chewing on a cupcake.

"GIR! YOU'RE HOME!" Zim cried. He had never imagined that he would ever be that happy to see GIR, which scared him a bit.

"Look master! Gaz gave me a cupcake!" Gir said, holding up the wrapper that remained. When he realized that he had eaten it all, he started to cry a bit.

...What do people see in Gir...?
Aisha: He's adorably innocent/stupid.
That's it.
"I like the color of your eyes, much better than those stupid contacts you wear," she said nonchalantly. Zim quickly put his hands on his head, realizing he had forgotten to put on his wig and contacts before he had stepped out. However, that wasn't the only thing that surprised him about Gaz's few words. She had known all along. She was the only person besides Dib who knew his secret. She was, however a lot different from her brother.

"Why…" Zim started, but was soon interrupted by Gaz.

"Dib stole my pizza again yesterday. I decided that ruining his plans would be more effective than dooming him." However, Zim sensed this wasn't the only reason.

"Wow, um…thanks," he said, as GIR ran inside to watch TV.

"Whatever," said Gaz as she left, her fingers quickly pressing buttons.

...This... This is in character, except maybe Zim's immediate acceptance of Gaz's story.
The next day at skool, another surprising thing occurred. Instead of sitting in her usual seat next to Dib, Gaz moved to Zim's empty table. She claimed that she was no longer on speaking terms with Dib, and those were the only words uttered at the table for the rest of the period. However, as the days went on, Gaz continued to sit at Zim's table, despite the dirty looks she would get from Dib. At first Zim had thought Gaz was only trying to piss off Dib, but he soon saw this wasn't the case. Everyday, the two began to say a bit more to each other as Gaz furiously pressed buttons. However, their conversations soon got to the point that Gaz would stop playing her Game Slave (only for a little while of course).

In no time at all, they had become, what people on Earth call friends. Strangely enough, it was hate that had brought them together. Not hate for each other, but hate of the world and Dib. On warm, sunny days, they would lie in the grass and look for clouds shaped like monsters and go into long, gory discussions about how it could eat Dib. They were two loners who had found the beauty of friendship. Zim would often find himself telling Gaz about his planet, his mission, and how incredibly short he was and she would listen. Never did Zim imagine that a human could be so.........nice.

Ooh, Zim's falling for a human, methinks.
Aisha: ...Heh... Gaz...nice...? Baaahahahahah!
That is HILARIOUS.
Everything was going perfectly, until one day.
Oh teh noez!
Meet me today after school behind my house. I have surprise for you.

"A surprise?" Zim thought. No one on this planet had ever given him anything but grief. For the rest of the day he could do nothing but look at the note and watch clock as Ms. Bitters droned on about how they were living wasteful, meaningless lives. When the school bell rang, he quickly dashed out of skool. However, unfortunately for Zim, he did not see the wicked smile on Dib's face.

"Gaz…are you here?" he called into the empty backyard upon arriving at her house. "Strange," he thought, but his thoughts were soon cut off when a large, metal cage dropped on him from above. In both surprise and shock, Zim began shaking the bars and cursing in his native tongue. However, a well aimed rock towards his head stopped his ranting as he began to loose consciousness. The last thing he remembered was Dib's cruel laugh and feeling stupid, hurt, and betrayed.
...I thought this was the irken who wouldn't let anyone close too him, besides Gir. You should have seen it comming, Zim. Even if she wasn't against you, Dib would take any chance to catch you, you know this.
Chapter 2: Escape
So, Dib walks in, holding a bunch of sharp surgical insturments. Dib eggs Zim on, taunting him, until...

"SHUT UP YOU STINK BEAST!! I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE OF THAT!!! YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU HAVE WON, BUT JUST WAIT!! I CURSE YOU AND YOUR SISTER!!!" At the mention of Gaz, Dib's smile began to resemble that of a crocodile.
...Well, Zim's at least somewhat in character. Even though the exclamation marks are inconsistant.

"SILENCE!" Zim cried with a renewed sense of vigor. "I told you that you didn't know what you were dealing with, Dib. Despite your foolish efforts, I was still able to escape. I'm not called an invader for nothing. You thought you had complete control, didn't you Dib? You thought you finally had me. Well it seems now it is I, ZIM, who has the power!" Zim's eyes flamed with fires of delight. Dib's squirming body fed his lust for vengeance over his enemy. For the first time that night, he actually felt happy.
...Awesome.
Aisha: Also, Zim's thinking ahead, as he doesn't kill Dib, thus making him seem like a fool again.
Chapter 3: Revenge!

"Master! You're home!" cried a familiar voice. Painfully, Zim lifted his head and his eyes met with two cyan orbs.

"GIR!" he said, immediately latching onto the small robot and embracing it. Never before in his life had been so happy to see GIR, let alone be alive to see him.

"Awww I love you too master!" replied GIR as he squeezed Zim a bit too hard.

"GIR! STOP! ACK! THE PAIN!" cried Zim. Noticing the TV clicker nearby, he grabbed it and changed it to the Scary Monkey channel. Instantaneously, GIR dropped Zim for the filthy, grunting primate on the screen. Sighing and shaking his head, Zim flushed himself down the toilet to ponder in his underground lab.
Wow. Gir's very easy to distract.
Aisha: No shit.

"He….shall…pa...” Gaz began to say before she was cut off by the earth shattering explosion that had blew out one of the kitchen walls. Too shocked to finish dooming Dib, she stumbled outside to see what had caused the destruction. Her eyes met with those of Zim, perched high in the air on his mechanical spider legs. He was holding a strange looking gun and man did he look pissed.
Well, no shit. You let betrayed him. You were the only person he befriended and you betrayed him. Do you expect him to be happy after that?!

"Wait, Gaz, STOP!!!!" cried Zim as he defensively put up his claws. "You mean you didn't agree with Dib to befriend and betray me for a year's worth of pizza and that new game slave?"

"Of course not, I would have told him three years of pizza" said Gaz. "Where did you get such a screwed up idea?"

"Um…Dib back at the lab before he...um...tried to cut me up,"said Zim unsurely.

"Oh," said Gaz, lowering her fist of doom. "That makes a lot of sense I guess. Dib is pretty dumb. However," Gaz punched Zim hard in the arm, causing Zim to cry out. "That's for believing him."

"I'm sorry Gaz," said Zim, lowering his eyes to the ground. "You're right; I shouldn't have gone all psychos like that."
NO. NO NO NO. NO! A thousand fucking times NO! Are you serious?! You had every right to go psycho! She got you caught by Dib, remember?! Are you seriously just gonna forget about all that and trust her again?! Didn't she leave the note leading you into the trap?!
Aisha: W-Whoa! S-Siri-kun, calm down!
*deep breath* Sorry, I just get a little pissed when I see a character I like being reduced to a gullible fucking moron. Now that I think about it, Dib could have placed that note, to capture Zim. But I can still see Gaz doing it.
And so, the two walked down the street, laughing about slaughtering rat people and what would happen if Dib was "accidentally" sent there. That night, Zim had learned the most important thing he would ever learn on Earth, the strength of a bond between two friends.
THE. END. Thank God. Now, this was okay. Aside from Zim being a gullible ass-clown, it was okay.
Aisha: Final verdict: '...Meh.'
So, that's all for now. Adios, amigos. Hey, wait, since when do you call me 'Siri-kun?'
Aisha: ...Man, you're slow.
Shut up!
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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by The Administrator on Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:59 pm

I thank God that this is the worst someone's done to Zim that we've discovered. If anything serious happened to Zim as a character I think I'd have a few skulls to crack.
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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by Sirius on Sun Jul 11, 2010 6:01 pm

I assure you, if I look in the Zim section again, I'll find much, MUCH worse.
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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by Shadowborg on Sun Jul 11, 2010 6:55 pm

. If anything serious happened to Zim as a character I think I'd have a few skulls to crack.

You realize that the guy who made the series (Johan something) said on his Facebook page that cannon wise, Zim crashed into a meteor in 2009, burned, and died?

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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by The Administrator on Sun Jul 11, 2010 7:01 pm

Gojira Duel wrote:
. If anything serious happened to Zim as a character I think I'd have a few skulls to crack.

You realize that the guy who made the series (Johan something) said on his Facebook page that cannon wise, Zim crashed into a meteor in 2009, burned, and died?

...And where was it established that Jhonan Vasquez made this canon, other than in his mind? Probably just an excuse for no new episodes.
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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by Shadowborg on Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:19 pm

Make of that what you will. I asume it to be cannon.

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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

Post by The Administrator on Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:29 pm

I think it's just an excuse for no new ZIM.
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Re: Under the Knife, an Invader Zim failfic

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