Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

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Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by The Administrator on Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:47 pm

*sigh* Why am I doing this? Wolfy is the snarker around here... Ah, what the hell. It may be torture but it's something to do. I can't do this alone, though... Let's see, I suppose I'll have one of my Pokemon accompany me... *tosses a Poke Ball, an Alakazam comes out* Say hello, Ala.
Ala: You literally dragged me here. I'm pissed at you.
So?
Ala: *sigh* Hello, Wolfy and Jon.
Hey, we have a bigger audience than that now!
Ala: My mistake. Hello to Vingle and Echo too.
That's better. Anyway... We have here, Powder of Love. Let's take a look here.
Ala: Holy shit...
Huh?
Ala: Look at the amount of chapters...
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK. How the hell can this be made of 41 chapters?!
Ala: My guess is as good as yours...
Oh, well at least they're only a paragraph or so long...
Ala: You're not getting through this in one sitting.
Whatever. We'll go by, say, five-chapter chunks. Can't be too long, right?
Ala: ...
...Right?
Ala: Aaaanyway, let's get started.
Right. chapter one.

It was a sunny day in the kanto region. Gold was walking with his gardevoir on route 27.

Well, okay, not so bad... Though I wonder what Gold's doing in Kanto... If he's just taking a walk, why not closer to where he lives?
Ala: Because-
Yeah, yeah, you don't need to quote Wolfy. This is Badfic, Badfic has no reason blah blah blah. Cling to this sentence; it's probably the only one that won't make you want to shoot yourself.
Ala: True.

Gardevoir was Gold's only pokemon. How did this happen? Well I'll tell you.

Okay, let's see here... Normally I'd say something about Gold having other Pokemon but seeing as it's the game version of Gold, I suppose it's passable...
Ala: However, one has to question how he got to Kanto with just a Gardevoir, especially considering that one of the Elite Four members, Karen I think, uses exclusively Dark-type Pokemon...
This is Badfic, et cetera.
Ala: Yeah...

When gold was about 10 years old. He had a run-in with a wild beedrill.

WILD POKEMON LIVE IN TALL GRASS! IT'S DANGEROUS WITHOUT A POKEMON OF YOUR OWN!
Ala: Wrong game.
Right, right, that's Red and Blue... When apparently things made sense...

He ran as fast as he could but tripped over a stump. While he was waiting for his death, a ralts came out of the bushes and scared the beedrill away.

I don't think a Beedrill could kill you... Despite the fact that it's fuckin' huge, if someone can survive a Hyper Beam from a Dragonite (from Lance's Dragonite in that shady store in Mahogany, for those of you whose memories are a bit hazy), I think you'd be able to survive a low-level Beedrill's tackle or Poison Sting.
Ala: Yes, and I'm a bit curious as to how a Ralts scared away a Beedrill.
Or how it was in Johto at all...
Touche.
They had many adventures in the Jhoto region. That is were his ralts evolved into a kirlia and into a Gardevoir.
No way! She evolved when they adventured?! I thought if she just sat in her Pokeball she'd evolve?
Ala: Make sure you don't drown in that sarcasm.
Bah.

He and his Gardevoir were going to the Saffron city gym When suddenly a wild Gloom cam out of the tall grass. " Wow, a gloom. Never seen one this close up before. Lets catch it Gardevoir."

Surprisingly, there's nothing wrong with that.
Ala: Huh.
Now, are you ready to see the sentence which causes 90% of the events in this story?

The Gloom didn't like this one bit. The seed on it's head let out a strange powder. Gardevoir lost it concentration and let the gloom go.
Yup. Some made-up powder that Gloom excretes is the titular Powder of Love.
Ala: Gloom used Clingy MacGuffin! It's Super Effective!
Well-said.

The powder was red and in the shape of a heart.
That can't possibly have any correlation to what effects it has!
Ala: What would possibly make you think that?
Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Chapter two!
At about 1:30 in the morning, Gardevoir got up and went to the lake for a drink. She was kinda worn out from that battle with Gloom.
Yeah, she was real worn out from using Psychic once.
Ala: I could use it all day and not break a sweat...
Yeah, it's really getting hit that counts, and she didn't get hit at all...

She was going back to sleep when a strange urge came over her.
Ala: You'll never guess where this is going.

She thought to herself " I shouldn't be doing this. He is my master and my friend."

Well, at least she has a bit of sense...

She then had another thought. " I wonder if he has learned about this short of thing." she was arguing with herself. " But what if he hasn't. He might be scared for life."
Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, just because he KNOWS what you're doing makes it okay to rape him in his sleep?!
Ala: Aaaand here's where the fic actually starts to get bad...

" I know I want to but I don't wanna hurt my trainer." She then decided what she was gonna do. "okay I'll start off but if he wakes up and refuse I will stop."
Oh God... That's right, a lemon in the second chapter... Welp, here we go.

She was surprised by the size of his member. It was at least 6-7 inches.

Gardevoir are masters of the fuckin' Imperial Measurement system.

He started moaning in his sleep. "he must think that this Is a dream."

Maybe it's a dream where HE'S NOT GETTING RAPED IN HIS SLEEP.
Ala: Wait, what?
I've been asleep in my dreams before.
Ala: A dream in a dream?
Yup.
Ala: That's not on topic at all.
Sssh, I don't want to focus...
Ala: Come on, we gotta get through this...
Fine, fine... So anyways, Gold wakes up and sees Gardevoir sucking him off.

"Gardevoir, what are you doing?" he asked calmly. Gardevoir could tell that he was VERY upset with her.
I know I'm pointing out the obvious, but shouldn't it be apparent that Gardevoir's sucking his dick?
Ala: Naw, she just happens to have her mouth hovering around it, and his pants just came off by themselves.
And anyways, how does asking calmly what she's doing reflect great upset?
Ala: This is badfic-
Yes, yes, yes, I know, we all know... So then he basically reprimands her and then says "...I forgive you. And I never said stop." And they continue. Insert three-sentence IKEA Erotica here... And then they actually have intercourse for another three sentences...

She screamed and fell to the ground, Happy and Forfiled..
A great sense of FORFILMENT indeed.

Ugh, I was gonna do five chapters but I can't take this shit. I'll continue tomorrow.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:27 pm

Pokemonic Bestiality.

No One and Everyone.

Okay. Everyone has thought about about sex with a pokemon, wether they admit it or not. Hell, some people have even fantasized or did art about it. But it is not something that is a facet of the pokemon world. There are no major pokemon forums who allow the subject to come up for talk. No forums even awknowledge it at all. It's a passive disgust that keeps the subject at bay, even if a few 'furries' say something naff and get kicked.

This is just....wrong. You see, it does not follow the basic game principles (as you said) but also....wtf?

Gloom: *is being attacked* Hmmm....What shall I do?...I know! I'll use my horny spray! It's super effective!

WTF?!

Beside the fact that gardevoir's thighs are about as wide as a toothpick? A blowjob is really all she could do. And the trainer reprimands her and the tells her to keep going?

Meh...just meh. Pokemon bestiality is done in the dark if its done at all. It's a cult thing. (alright. I thought abotu sex with flareon a few times but I do not support or fanserve pokemon bestiality)
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by The Administrator on Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:54 pm

Thanks for the essay, Echo. But yeah, this is shit and I really wish I wasn't going to continue, but I shall...
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Sirius on Mon Aug 23, 2010 6:16 pm

Admin, I think you got your work cut out for you. That's all I'm going to say as of now.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:15 pm

10 pm at night. I have insomnia. None of my buddies are online. So I come here and lol at the snarkiness. Then I see the link.

Meh.....chapter three....

I'm sorry but......
Facepalm 1

Facepalm 2: Double F

Facepalm 0.5: The Pr

You have your work cut out for you admin...
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:17 am

I sometimes have to fight the urge to send hatemail to this dude on Fanfiction who keeps writing about human x legendary. FUUUUU-

You can do it admin! Fight the badness!

On another note, I've been acknowledged! Awesome Face
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:28 am

Humanxlegendary???

Facepalm 2: Double F

I reitterate. Pokemon bestiality is NOT a major subject of fandom.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:32 pm

Do you want a link to the author's profile so you can see what she/he writes about?

Read at your own risk.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:54 pm

What the hell. -.- Post it and I may or may not go there....

Perhaps I should do a snark.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Sirius on Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:55 pm

...Is it snarkable? If it is, it's my duty as the original Sonic Central snarker to read it.
Aisha: Nice title...
Shut up.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:51 pm

Eh. Here it is:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2110182/deign12#

Not sure if their snarkable, though. You can try.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Sirius on Tue Aug 24, 2010 8:40 pm

...So that author thinks Arceus is female...? That's just great. Genderless, my ass! Seriously, why do people constantly give genders to genderless Pokemon?
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by The Administrator on Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:10 pm

Oh dear God, that's awful...
Sorry about lack of snark, my internet went out for most of today. I'll pull something out of my ass tomorrow.

I also just discovered Phoenix Wright and that's proven to be a relatively large distraction...
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Wed Aug 25, 2010 7:21 am

They give genders to legendaries because they like to pair them up to create a romantic scenario which then gives them something to write about. You haven't noticed that 70-80% of all the pokémon fics here are romance?

People also like pairing up the problematic characters. Apparently there has to be some sort of disagreement between the two for the pairing to be interesting. I think that's why no one has Latias as a character.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:10 am

humanxlegendary is something that I as a pokemon master have never even heard of.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Wed Aug 25, 2010 1:38 pm

Some people are just weird. Some dude wrote a lot of stories about ArceusxAdrian(Himself).

I never understood why.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Echo~the~Hedgehog on Wed Aug 25, 2010 2:57 pm

most fans have a fav pokemon tehy're attracted too. But man/arceus is just wrong.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Sirius on Wed Aug 25, 2010 4:07 pm

Oh, I've heard of it. I've seen it a few times in forms of fics and pics. I jst dislike the fact that they give genders to Legendaries. It just bothers me, given how most of them are supposed to be genderless.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Thu Aug 26, 2010 7:20 am

That means we're all poképhiles on the inside. o.O
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by The Administrator on Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:21 pm

D'oh shit, I actually have to continue this don't I?
*sigh*
I'll see what I can do tomorrow. I've been bored lately anyway; might as well torture myself...
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Godmodder Studios on Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:07 pm

Umm, guys? Sorry to burst your bubble and all, but Pokemon are second only to the Sonic fandom in sexual popularity.

As a member of Fur Affinity, I can't help but point out well over a thousand works of pokeporn spanning everything from poetry, to flash, to art, and of course, fanfiction.

This is nothing new people. It's been going on for a while now and Gardevoir is litteraly the most popular pokemon for HumanxPokemon fics.

Gardevoir is matched only by Renamon for Humanxnon-human pairs.

Though Lucario is a close second, and rumor has it that Zaroark will be joining Lucario in that bit.

Sorry children, but Rule 34 carries no exceptions.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Sirius on Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:13 pm

Yeah. I think we all knew that.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:12 am

Rule 34 ruined my enjoyment of WALL-E.

Facepalm 2: Double F
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by The Administrator on Sun Oct 17, 2010 9:14 am

Not for me. I steered clear of it as much as possible. Thankfully there's not THAT much out there, of Wall-E at least..
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

Post by Vingle on Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:57 pm

There's at least 3 fics out there.

Just put the M rating on.
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Re: Whoa, holy shit, I'm actually doing a snark by myself. [NSFW]

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