one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Go down

one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by Sirius on Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:41 pm

Yeah, yeah, it's me again. Seems this is the only area I ever post on. Anyway, as the title says, I'll be reviewing 'one piece neo genesis.'Aside from the author not knowing how to spell or use decent grammar, his character, Namikaze Tyson, is basically the author's version of Luffy. Well, let's dive right in, then. Chapter 1, 'i will become king of the pirates.'
25 years ago, pirate Monkey D Luffy became the pirate king,

and was executed in loguetown his crew separated and all went to there hometowns,

but before that the crew hid one piece in the grand line where they originally found it

many have sailed to find one piece once again, and become pirate kings yust like Luffy,

many dream to defeat Roronoa Zoro who became the worlds greatest swordsman

so many pirates set sail in search for one piece the treasure that could make

theire dreams come true.
Kay... So, reading this, I can already tell this story's gonna be pretty bad. He can't use periods, can't spell, and this is one of the few times he capitalizes a character's name. Anyway, I have two questions: 1) Why the hell did they just leave the treasure in the Grand Line? Wasn't that their goal, to get the treasure? It isn't like when Gold Roger hid it, Luffy's crew is still alive, they could split the treasure, and use it for themselves. 2) How the hell do you expect me to believe that Luffy was caught and executed? If Smoker, Lucci, several Devil Fruit-powered Marine captains, a dude who can slow down time, and a man made of fucking poison can't kill this guy, who the fuck can?! I don't know, but this has yet to be explained. I get the feeling it's going to be a bad explanation. Moving on. So we meet Luffy 2- Err.. Namikaze Tyson, on...
Waterfall island was one of the most wonderfull places in all the east blue, everybody talked, some telled jokes, kids rana long the island playing tag larrout island was also known for its hotsprings they were the best of the World, everything was fine
I'm assuming 'larrout island,' but I'm not sure. Anyway, Tyson, being the hero of the story, steals from a sweet old lady. Nice guy. Anyway, the marines attack him and...
"return what you took kid o i Hill be torced to Hill you" said the marine leader
...lern 2 spel, stoopd. Anyway, he says he wants to be king of the pirates. *looking at the chapter title* Man, I didn't see THAT comming! I'm completely shocked! Besides, a kid with an item he wears on his head, has no crew, no ship, and ate a Devil Fruit wants to be king of the pirates. Who does THAT remind you of? Anyway, Luffy 2 disappears and reappears behind the Marine leader and knocks him out. Did he eat the Teleport-Teleport fruit or something? Anyway, he goes to this old man's resturant, where the owner asks about several things, including his disappearing trick.
" o yeah that i yused my devil fruit power! The gami-gami fruit i think thats how it is called!" said tyson laughing
Eh, I was close. So, the Gami-Gami fruit grants the power of teleportation?
"yeah the gami-gami fruit makes me move as fase as lighting and with my sowrd all i had to do was to slash" tyson said laughing
Hm. So, Luffy 2 had to eat a Devil Fruit to get super speed? Hell, half the Straw Hat crew had that without eating one. Anyway, he has a little boat and no crew (Just like Luffy 1). So, he sets off and... End of the chapter. He asks for reviewers to give him OCs to put in his story.
Chapter 2: the wandering swordsman
It was a rainy day and Tyson Namikaze had yust arrived in larrouse island a peacefull place full of people, he was in a restaurant ordering some food to eat untill he overheard a cnversation….
Wait, wait, wait! Tyson Namikaze?! Last chapter it was Namikaze Tyson! What the hell? In one chapter, he already fucked up the name of his own OC. Ugh... Let's just keep going... So Luffy 2 hears about a wandering swordsman. Again, shocking. Totally didn't see that coming. Anyway...
"wait kid are you serious that swordsman has a 12 million bounty on his head he killed 200 marines in 1 day and you think you can kick his ass!?"said random person number 1

"yes" said tyson

"hahahahahahahahahaha,hahahahahahahahahaha, so tell me how do you Intend. To do that"

"by using my devil fruit powers ofcourse" said tyson with a smile on his face

"whhhat!!!! U have devil fruit powers!!!"

said the random guy number 2 so everybody in the restaurant could hear
Well, of course. I mean, obviously, right? What kind of dumbass wouldn't immediately look at this kid in goggles and think 'He has Devil Fruit powers, duh.' I mean, hell, given the tons of Devil Fruit power users, you could probably find a Fruit in a bag of Crackerjacks...
"you betcha!"said the smiling hero
The hero who steals from sweet old ladies. Anyway, he goes to the center of town, where the swordsman, Jake Darkwood, is and he challenges Jake to a fight. He thinks kicking the shit out of a mass-murderer will get him to gladly join his crew. I don't see any way this could go wrong.
"less talk more fight" said Jake
Hey, now I slightly respect this swordsman. So, Luffy 2 goes to backstab the man he's trying to persuade into joining his crew, but Jake disappears and tries to stab Luffy 2 in the back. But I thought Luffy 2 was as fast as lightning...?
"i have eaten the kaze kaze ne fruit it makes me controll wind and with the power oif wind i was able to match youre speed" said Jake smilling
...But of course. I mean, the wind is obviously as fast/faster than lightning. Anyway, Jake badly injures Luffy 2, but he gets back up and strikes down Jake with a move that makes me lose all respect I had for the mass-murderer. I mean, Luffy 2 ran in a fucking circle repeatedly. If Jake stuck his sword out foreward, Luffy 2 would've ran into it and cut himself in half. But, anyway, Jake said if he was beat, he'd join Luffy 2, so I guess that means they're working together.
"yes i w-o-n"said Jaden whille he fainted right next to Jake
Who the fuck is Jaden?! When the fuck did he arrive?! Why the fuck is he in the middle of a super-human swordfight?! And why did he faint?! Now, you're probably thinking I'm stupid for not thinking it's a typo, but come on, Jaden? How do you get 'Jaden' out of 'Tyson?' The only thing they have in common is they both end with an 'n.'
Anyway, three days later, Luffy 2 wakes up. Long time to be out, given that it was mostly from exhaustion... So, Jake joins the crew to achieve his dream of being better than Zoro, the best swordsman alive. So, basically, he wants to be the best swordsman alive. Does THAT remind you of someone?! I mean, damn, can he have any originality? Is it that hard to come up with an OC that ISN'T a copy of the canons?
alter Tyson had eated 257 bowls of food Tyson and Jake started puting there things ready in the small boat they had
Oh, oh that's just great. Luffy 2's even got the original Luffy's impossible-to-satisfy hunger...
"well in that cause i suggest you to go to newmoon island, it is said that a mermaid was seen there" said Alfonso

"then well go there itll be cool to have a mermaid in my crew! Hahahaha!"said Tyson smilling

"yeah youre right the master we get there the master we can get a mermaid in the crew yargh!" ssaid Jake smilling
Wait... wait, this can't be... This is impossible... a character that sounds... Original?! Heresy! So, yeah, they head out and the chapter ends. Okay, I'll admit, while this story is amazingly unoriginal, it's not as bad as some of the other stories I've snarked, and this story isn't racist, doesn't break the fourth wall, and doesn't literally insult the audience. So, there's my ideas of the story, and I hope to find more shitty fanfics soon. Shouldn't be too hard...
avatar
Sirius
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 150
Join date : 2010-01-15
Age : 26
Location : Somewhere in Neva- Err... Illinois

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by The Administrator on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:07 pm

Dear God, what a piece of GAFF.
And when you refer to THE PROTOMAN, it's a troll-fic so don't hold racism, fourth-wall fractures and insults against it. Just point and laugh at the failtroll, otherwise he wins.
avatar
The Administrator
Admin

Posts : 629
Join date : 2010-01-15
Age : 22
Location : Underground Facility of the Utmost Secrecy

View user profile http://soniccentral.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by Sirius on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:08 pm

True, true, but come on. It's hard for me to not make fun of it.
avatar
Sirius
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 150
Join date : 2010-01-15
Age : 26
Location : Somewhere in Neva- Err... Illinois

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by The Administrator on Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:38 am

In that case you fail at interwebz. You FAIL if the troll wins. JUST FORGET. FORGET. Or laugh.
avatar
The Administrator
Admin

Posts : 629
Join date : 2010-01-15
Age : 22
Location : Underground Facility of the Utmost Secrecy

View user profile http://soniccentral.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by Sirius on Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:56 pm

Ohh, trust me, forgeting it won't be too difficult.
avatar
Sirius
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 150
Join date : 2010-01-15
Age : 26
Location : Somewhere in Neva- Err... Illinois

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: one piece neo genesis, a One Piece fanfiction

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum