A huge eevee family, a Pokemon Failfic

Me again. I haven't been snarking much recently, have I? Well, I'm back, and rady to torture myself for your amusement! Let's start, shall we? This is 'A huge eevee family.'
{One reading later}
My God... This... This is horrible... A part of me died reading this... Perhaps it was the best part.
Aisha: Siri...?
We've gotta snark it. Ma'am, if you wanna leave, I won't blame you.
Aisha: I'm with you until the end, Siri-kun.
...Thank you.
Aisha: The two of us aren't enough, let's bring out one of your Pokemon.
*tosses out Pokeball, a female Blaziken appears from it* So, Flare, wanna help us with this?
Flare: Not like I had anything better to do...
All right. Let's get thi over with. Chapter 1, waterfalls unfortunate beating.

Waterfall was beautiful . The fins on her face were thin and silky , her skin smooth like velvet , her tail charming and beautifully long , her eyes were a deep loving blue . Her paws were small and petite .
She was 20 , a girl ( duh ) , her name was waterfall ( duh ) , she was a vaporeon , a virgin , popular beyond compare and gorgeous .

Well, you might as well have put a 'duh' after Vaporeon...
Flare: Honestly, how many other Eeveelutions have fins on their head?
Aisha: None.

She had had many , many boyfriends but had never gone to the extremes of mating with them .

...So, she had many boyfriends, but never mated with any of them?
Flare: Why do I get the feeling the fact that her being a virgin will change before the story's over?
Because you're intelligent and able to read foreshadowing.
Flare: D'aw, shucks, I'm blushing.
Aisha: ANYWAY, moving on.

She went to a collage for eevee evolutions only and had 5 best friends ever . The collage was eve magic academy for eeveelutions .
She shared a room with many other female vaporeon and was writing in her diary when one came in .

Oh, joy, now we're adding colleges into this.
Flare: Also, how many other female Vaporeon share a room with her? I mean, I'm pretty sure in college you have a roommate, not many.
Aisha: This is failic.
Flare: Right, right.

'' OMFG!

Wow, first line of dialouge and I already wanna punch the bitch who said it. I won't though. I don't hit girls.
Flare: Hmph. Chivalry? From you?
I know, no one ever expects it.
Aisha: I wonder why...
Shut it, Eesh.
Aisha: Or what?
I'll...do something...
Aisha: Yeah, yeah, pwn'd.
Flare: Moving on.
So, this other female Vaporeon, Crystal, who happened to be the one who said 'OMFG', got chocolates from a Glaceon named JD. And... Yeah. This scene is...
ENTIRELY POINTLESS. *cue sound effects* [Nostalgia Critic? Never heard of 'im!]
Flare: So, our protaganist bumps into a Flareon. And...

'' OMG im so sorry , are you hurt?'' waterfall examined him . Six pack .

*eye twitch*
Aisha: Siri-kun?
Urge. To kill. Rising. Seriously, I really hate this Vaporeon... She's apparantly a slut as she's had many, many boyfriends, and yet still a virgin... AM I GETTING THROUGH TO YOU PEOPLE?!
Aisha: Moving on...
Flare: The Flareon says his name is Jake. They go to his room together, despite the fact that they've know each other a total of ten seconds.
Dumb bitch, I hope something bad happens to her, and I don't care if it makes me a bad person for wishing it. God, strike this bitch down! Stike her down! Strike her down! Strike her-

'' w … w … what d .. do you want?'' waterfalls paw was centimetres from her towel when a thunder bolt struck the pool , causing waterfall intense pain . The pool exploded and waterfall hit the soft moss , she whimpered .

...Holy shit...
Flare: Happy? She got electricuted, which caused the pool to explode for...some...reason...
YES. There is a God! Halleluja! Praise Jebus! I'm going to go build a church when I'm done with this snark, my Lord.

'' not much …'' said the cold voice as a figure emerged from the shadows . '' just two things , your virginity and to know my pups are safely inside of you!'' a cruel smile appeared on the jolteons face.

...No. Not even that is enough for me to dislike this guy. He did God's work. He has been entitled to any reward he wants.
Aisha: Is she really that annoying, to deserve this?
YES.
Flare: Onward, AI and now-evil Trainer.
I don't care, bitch deserved it.

When she woke up she was surrounded by her friends . Gemstone , shadow ( umbreon ) , snow white ( glaceon ) , summer ( leafeon ) and ember . When she saw them she burst into tears . Her friends cooed over her . She cried harder .

...

snow white ( glaceon )

Just so you know, audience, if I see a single dwarf, I'm getting the fuck out.
Flare: If you see a dwarf in a Pokemon fic, I'm going to explode. Also, I was right. She's no longer a virgin.
Yep. As I said, you're intelligent, so it's not hard for you figure something like that out.
Flare: Again, d'aww.
Aisha: ANYWAY, moving on.
Flare: Heh, what, jealous that Siri's not paying attention to you?
Aisha: Of course not. I just wanna get this over with sooner, that's all...
Flare: Right. Moving on, then.

'' you guys really wanna know?'' they crowed in , concerned , '' promise not to tell?'' they nodded , '' ok well …'' she burst into tears .'' some perverted freak came out of the bushes and attacked me and now im pregnant with his pups and I don't know what to do!'' snow white moved her hands over the small budge on waterfalls stomach .
'' three , who's the dad?'' waterfall cried even harder , her friends comforted her .
'' some jolteon called thunder!'' outside someone was watching .
Thunder smiled cruelly . He started to walk away into the shadows .
'' summer , snow white , gemstone , shadow and amber … you will be mine!''

Wait, what?!
Flare: She already knows she's pregnant?
Aisha: No! It doesn't happen that fast!
These are Pokemon, now that I think about it... In the games, they breed pretty fast... But, still... Not a few hours after the rape? Really?
Flare: So, finally, Chapter two! ember's attack. Let's finish this quick.

'' son of a ***** who **** herself like a ************ and a **** with a ******* for a ****** husband who ***** strangers for no bloody reason!''

I feel like I'm watching Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged when Yami finds out he's forced on a date with Tea.
Flare: Heh, yeah, she's cussing enough for it to be that.

'' hmm , hmm , mine!'' I turned around . I swear something in the bush had spoken , so I decided to look else where .

'Hey, someone spoke in the bushes! Should I take a look? Nah, I'll turn my back to it, giving them a shot at my back! Genious, Ember, GENIOUS.'
Flare: Dumbass.
Aisha: I don't feel bad about what's bound to happen.
You shouldn't. She's being an idiot. I mean, your friend's been raped. So you look for te rapist. You tell your back-up to split up. You hear someone in the bush. And you TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM. You're gonna get raped. And I'm gonna laugh. And I don't care how bad that makes me.
Flare: Yeesh...

All of a sudden a bolt of lightning struck dive down , when I rushed to his side he was unconscious .
'' wow , easy to take down!'' and a jolteon stepped out of the woods .
'' you!'' and I lunged at thunder with a flame wheel . He hit my breast and sliced them out from the dress . Then he managed to hook his claw around my knickers and rip them off .
I was on my back in an easy position . He dived on top of me , already nude , and plunged into me .
When I came around I was in a hospital bed , dive was unconscious next to me . Shadow was above me and there was a budge in my stomach .
'' a …am I-?''
'' pregnant , yeah , 7 , so know that's ten kids that *******'s gonna have!'' I started to cry , I was a mother of a rappers children!

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't take a WATER-TYPE when looking for a ELECTRIC-TYPE. Also, to keep good to my word... *proceeds to laugh*
Aisha & Flare: O.o
I meant what I said. The best part of me died today. But, fortunately, that is the end of the story so far. Until next tme...
Aisha: Uhh, yeah, until next time, amigos...
Flare: Until they snark another Pokemon fic, people...

*head explodes*

That's an understatement, Admin.

May I ay a few things?

The percent gender of eevee is as follows:

87.5% male

12.5% female

If this story was true to the games, this would basically be about a vaporeon being raped by the other 6 eeveelutions over and over again. -_-:

Interesting enough I suppose. But a vaporeon virgin? Dont pokemon make eggs when they quote "play" quote? She'd be having kids with freaking freinds!

*facepalm* Alright. The pokemon wear clothes. That's probably just the LSD talking. Or perhaps the author has a rape fetish and wrote that accidentally.......

BUT NO ONE RAPES ROMANA!!!!!!! ROMANA WILL H.P. GROUND AND CHOICE SCARF YOUR ASS!!!

Echo, I knew of the gender ratio, but apparantly, according to the Mystery Dungeon series, most Eevee are girls. Canon rape in canon. Fail.
Also, I didn't think I had to point out the fail when it said sh was wearing clothes.
But, yeah, thanks for the input. I didn't think about the whole 'playing' thing.

I checked her other stories. Some of the reviews are lukewarm to downright insulting, while the rest are by seemingly tasteless people.

Who reviews their own stories anyway? She must be really lonely.

Wow, she reviews her own stories? Fail.

Some people fail at writing. And if they want to write they should do some serious learning.

It's not all that hard to learn how to write. I've only written two stories so far (One of 'em is a one-shot) and I've gotten pretty nice reviews. You only need an original idea, not be on drugs, and some logic and research!

I do believe most of the stories on Fanfiction are trolls/badfics though. Most people aren't trying, in my opinion.

Either that or I'm a damn good writer compared to other people.

You can get good reviews with your eyes closed. Most reviewers have very little brains or taste. Not to mention that 99% of people judge wether or not they like something baced soley on genre and not on how good it is.

Well, some of them are intelligent. X:

Ya. That's why I seek out the intelligent ones and ask for their reviews.